Live Healthy Live Well

Have you ever stopped to think about the number of times you have been asked to do something and you really don’t have the time?  For instance, when the president of the athletic boosters asks if you wouldn’t mind coordinating the car wash fund raiser or your colleague pleads with you to cover for them on a special project while they are out of the office for a couple of days.  It’s easy to say “Yes” even if what you’d really like to say is “No”.  What makes it even more challenging is when you are scheduled solid with work or family obligations and you continue to take on additional responsibilities.  Many of us have trouble saying “No”.

So, how do you say “No”?  The solution is to say “No” firmly, politely, and without resentment.  The trick is to keep it short.

Take time to think about it; never say “Yes” immediately.  If you’re not sure how to respond, say “I need to look at my other commitments and family obligations and I will get back with you later.”  This gives you an opportunity to review your schedule and give a response that you won’t regret.

Firmly say “No”.  Politely say “No” while thanking them for thinking of you.  Most won’t know how to respond, when you thank them for thinking of you.  Thus, they’ll accept “No” as your response.

Suggest an alternative.  A friend invites you to go shopping at the mall.  Be honest – “I’d love to go to the mall shopping, but the truth is, we are doing some household remodeling projects and I am on a very tight budget.  Can we get together for a walk in the park instead?”

Set limits: Consciously and deliberately preserve time to connect with what matters most to you.  Preserve important connections.  Unless you consciously and deliberately preserve time for, say family dinner, or lunch with a friend, or Sunday dinner at Grandmas, or golf or free time with your spouse, your connection with whatever it is will erode.  You can be so busy that you don’t even take the time to decide what actually does matter most to you, let alone make the time to do it.  One way to put this into perspective is to calculate the number of Saturdays you have left in life.  Based on the life expectancy for your gender (74 for men and 79 for women), take that number, subtract your current age, and multiply by 52.  The end result is the number of Saturdays you have left in life (assuming you live to projected life expectancies).  How do you want to spend your remaining Saturdays? The more time you give away, the less you have for what matters most
to you.

Remember that yes rhymes with stress. If you agree to a task and then can’t follow through, it’s far worse for everyone than if you had just said no from the start.  It’s far harder to change a yes to a no than it is to change a no to a yes.

The bottom line is . . .  “Don’t write a check that your body can’t cash.”                – Flip Wilson as Geraldine

Author: Cindy Shuster, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences,         Ohio State University Extension.

References:

Hallowell, M.D., E. (2006).  Crazy Busy, Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap!  Strategies for coping in a world gone ADD. New York, New York: Ballantine Books.

Borysenko, J. (2001). Inner Peace for Busy People: 52 Strategies for transforming your life.  Carlsbad, California: Hayhouse

Bottom Line/Women’s Health interview from Joy Browne, PhD, a clinical psychologist inNew York City.