Planning for your future and sharing your decisions with your family is one of the most important gifts that you can give. So many times, adult children and family members are confronted with an unexpected crisis that disrupts their loved one’s lives. By waiting until a crisis occurs to talk about your values and preferences, your wishes for health care, living arrangements, or details of your finances may not be known. If you wait until a fall, accident, or serious diagnosis to initiate these conversations; big decisions may be driven by assumptions.
Planning ahead reduces the burden that can fall on your family or loved ones. The death or serious illness of a parent can affect both the psychological and physical well-being of adult children. If you procrastinate, your loved one’s emotions and state of mind could suffer. The decisions they make without knowing your wishes can make them feel guilty or incompetent if something goes wrong. They may feel helpless when trying to navigate the cost of healthcare. Research has shown that children who are not prepared for their parent’s death or serious illness have a harder time accepting this reality and are more likely to struggle with mental issues such as depression and anxiety. They are already upset about their loss, so adding the fact that they must make financial and personal arrangements afterward make it an especially stressful event. In other words, when a parent or loved one does not plan ahead, it leaves the difficult decisions up to their loved ones. In this situation, the older adult becomes the innocent bystander, while their family navigates the difficult decisions. This reactive mindset disregards the potential disagreements between family members as well as any emotionally driven decisions that may be made.
Having these critical conversations early will help prevent disagreement with family members. As with many families, there are a multitude of personalities with differing opinions, values, and goals. Having clear guidelines with open communication takes away the opportunity for competing ideas that can tear the family apart. Decisions made on behalf of their parents can lead to a lifetime of resentment among children even after the parent has died. Pre-planning promotes harmony within the family during your last years of life by avoiding rivalries, financial problems, and personal disagreements.
Preparing for your future will reduce the weight on your loved ones considerably, leading to less stress and anxiety. By embracing a precautionary and cooperative state of mind, you can empower your family for anything that lies ahead, which is one of the greatest gifts that you can give.
The Healthy Aging Network telecast on end-of-life planning addresses some of the important things to consider when planning for your future. If you would like to learn more, please contact Kathy Tutt at tutt.19@osu.edu.
Written by: Kathy Tutt, Family and Consumer Scienced Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Clark County
Reviewed by: Jenny Lobb, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Franklin County
References:
Hebert, R.S., Schulz, R., Copeland, V.C., & Arnold, R.M. (2009). Preparing family caregivers for death and bereavement. Insights from Caregivers of terminally ill patients. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, 37, 3-12. doi: 10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2007.12.010
Umberson, D., & Chen, M.D. (1994). Effects of a parent’s death on adult children: relationship salience and reaction to loss. American Sociological Review, 59, 152-168. doi: 10.2307/2096138
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