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Posts Tagged ‘Emotional health’

5 Steps of De-escalating Emotions

Posted in Healthy People, Healthy Relationships, tagged , , on March 14, 2023| Leave a Comment »

In the parenting world, especially during the pre-teen and teenage years, children’s emotions are running high. When they experience sensory overload, the whole world becomes overwhelming and POOF, they lose control over their behaviors. Just as they begin to spin out of control, we can help by de-escalating the situation and bring their world back into balance.

When your pre/teen is at the peak of the escalation cycle, their brain function is in full survival mode or the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. Meaning their reasoning skills are not fully functioning. Therefore, you must first regulate your emotions, modeling calmness through your breathing, non-verbal expressions, your tone of voice, positive self-talk, and then, when you are ready, engage. The more upset your pre/teen becomes, the calmer you need to become. Remember, at this point, your pre/teen is not ready for a teachable moment, they just need you to help maintain a safe environment for them.

Using the 5 steps to de-escalate emotions can help your pre/teen learn to recognize and address their emotions.

  1. Give them a moment to cool down so that together you can help them regain control.
  2. Next, get on their level physically. Try to be at their eye level, so if they are sitting, sit near them, while still giving them personal space.
  3. Listen to what the issue is and what their concerns are.
  4. Acknowledge their feelings without judgment of right or wrong. Just listen and validate their emotions so that they feel heard and understood.
  5. Don’t go directly into problem-solving mode. It takes time for a person to reach the recovery stage of the escalation cycle to where they can once again think critically. Stay present with them until they feel stable and ready to redirect their focus to identify what lead up to the escalation event. Brainstorm solutions, weigh the pros and cons, and then, together, create a plan of action toward correcting the problem.

When your child is amid spinning out of control, it can be difficult to not spin with them. Using the basic steps of first regulating your own emotions and modeling appropriate emotional regulation helps to set the stage for successfully de-escalating any situation. Remember these 5 actions: Let them cool down, Get on their level, Listen to their concerns, Acknowledge their feelings, and don’t jump to problem-solving before they are ready. In a perfect world, our kids would always be able to express their emotions in a healthy way, but life isn’t perfect, so knowing the basics of de-escalation is a good idea…just in case.

The next time you find yourself in an emotionally intense situation, practice regulating your own emotions through calming breaths, positive self-talk, and being aware of your non-verbal expressions.

Written by: Roseanne Scammahorn, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Darke County.

Reviewed by:  Heather Reister, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Butler County.

Sources:

Bates, D. (2021). Six ways to de-escalate a heated argument; Before you do irrevocable damage, de-escalate. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-health-nerd/202101/6-ways-de-escalate-heated-argument

Colvin, G. & Sugai, G. (1989). Managing escalated behavior. Eugene, OR: Behavior Associates.

Day, N. (2022). Eighteen effective de-escalation strategies for defusing meltdowns. Retrieved from https://hes-extraordinary.com/de-escalation-techniques

McLean, Harvard Medical School Affiliate, (2020). 4 Ways to Help Children Manage Emotions. Retrieved from https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/4-ways-help-children-manage-emotions

Taylor, M. (2022). What does fight, flight, freeze, fawn mean? WebMD. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-does-fight-flight-freeze-fawn-mean#:~:text=The%20fight%20response%20is%20your,please%20someone%20to%20avoid%20conflict.

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You control your own weather

Posted in Healthy People, Mindfulness, tagged , , , , on January 18, 2022| Leave a Comment »

At a recent conference, the guest speaker said, “I have the power to change my own weather and so do you.” Meaning, we each have control over our emotional and behavioral reactions to our thoughts creating either a nice breezy day or a stormy day.  Let’s face it, we can’t stop every thought that pops into our heads.  However, we can pause and ask ourselves four things:

  • Is my thought rational or irrational?
  • What am I feeling because of this thought?
  • What is this feeling telling me about how I view this situation?
  • How do I want to react to this feeling?

It is through these questions that we have the power to change our own weather. Many times, we have created our own go-to pattern which results in stormy weather.

For example, someone cuts us off in traffic:

  • Thought: “What a jerk!” “They could hurt someone!”
  • Emotion: Anger and Fear
  • (Go-to) Reaction: Become irritable, yell, or worse, road rage!

Here is where we can choose to change our weather:

  • Thought: “What a jerk!” “They could hurt someone!”
    • Is my thought rational or irrational? We don’t know why they cut us off. Maybe they are on their way to an emergency and are distracted. Maybe we were in their blind spot (it has happened to all of us). Or maybe they are that bad of a driver.
    • NEW Thought: “WOW, that wasn’t any fun, but I am glad I have cat-like, smooth driving skills!”
  • Emotion: Anger and fear
    • What am I feeling because of this thought? The need for safety is at our core, hard-wired into each of us, think fight, flight, freeze response. Typically fear and anger arise when our safety is feeling threatened, so it wouldn’t be uncommon to identify anger as the emotional, and logical reaction, to this situation.
    • What is this feeling telling me about how I view this situation? This anger may be telling you that you feel afraid. It may also be some residual fear from a negative driving experience from your past and really doesn’t have to do with the current experience.
    • NEW Emotion: That was really scary, but I am OK.
  • Reaction: Become irritable, yell, or worse, road rage!
    • How do I want to react emotionally or physically? Becoming irritable, yelling at the other driver, or displaying road rage might immediately make us feel like we have taken corrective action, but in the long run, has it created stormy weather? Will this situation matter in 5 hours, 5 days or 5 weeks from now? Have we just endangered others because of our reaction?
    • NEW Reaction: I let it go and move on with the rest of my drive, thankful that I am safe.

WE do have the POWER to change our own weather, by choosing how we will react to our thoughts and emotions. Although it will take some practice to not rely on my “go-to” reactions, I think my future forecast is less ‘partly cloudy with a chance of rain’ and more ‘warm temperatures and sunshine!’  

Written by: Roseanne Scammahorn, Ph.D., Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Darke County

Reviewed by: Jenny Lobb, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Franklin County

Sources

Golden, B. (2021, March 20). Fear and Anger: Similarities, Differences, and Interaction. Psychology Today.  Retrieved on January 6, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/202103/fear-and-anger-similarities-differences-and-interaction

Governors State University. (nd). Rational Vs. Irrational: The 3 Key Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Beliefs. Retrieved on January 6, 2022, from https://www.govst.edu/uploadedFiles/Academics/Colleges_and_Programs/CHHS/Departments/Addictions_Studies_and_Behavioral_Health/Recovery_Coaching_Rational_vs_Irrational_3_questions.pdf

Mayo Clinic. (2019, March 16). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Retrieved on January 6, 2022, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/about/pac-20384610

Trauma Recovery. (nd). Fight, Flight, Freeze Responses. Manitoba Trauma Information and Education Centre, Retrieved on January 6, 2022, from https://trauma-recovery.ca/impact-effects-of-trauma/fight-flight-freeze-responses/

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Finding Emotional Identity

Posted in Healthy People, tagged , , , , on December 16, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Living through a pandemic, working remotely (at times), moving my college students to two different states, losing my dad, going on vacation, and becoming a certified yoga instructor are a few experiences that define the year 2021 for me. What was your 2021 like?

Reflecting on these experiences it became noticeable that my emotions have been on a “high alert”. No matter what has been experienced, the emotion felt has been heightened by the events of the last few years. Happy and peaceful. Excited and scared. Sad and exhausted. Sometimes these emotions are isolated and sometimes experienced in a span of 5 minutes. Like many, realizing and recognizing what is happening emotionally in any moment is something that I have been attempting to pay attention to.

Because I live with generalized anxiety disorder, becoming more aware of my emotional response to situations is an important part of my day. Overthinking situations can lead to misinterpretation of what I am experiencing. This desire to realize how my emotions and feelings affect my response in situations has brought me to learning more about my own emotional identity. 

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

According to emotional psychology theory, emotions are basic or complex. Basic emotions are identified through facial expressions. Complex emotions are a combination of two or more emotions. The six basic emotions are sadness, happiness, fear, surprise, disgust, anger. Some complex emotions are jealousy, hate, hate, regret, joy, apprehension, anticipation. 

Emotional Identity is defined as “an individual’s ability to be aware of affective responses that occur during varied daily interactions”. Being able to identify and name emotions can help to process what is occurring. It also keeps each of us from pushing what we are feeling to the background. It is okay to feel.  It is okay to express that. By learning to identify and to talk about emotions, healthier relationships can be developed.

My hope for you as the weeks unfold and you experience the joys and struggles is that you accept your emotions as they occur and take time to process, share, and place them. Take time in each part of your day to check in with yourself and what your emotions are telling you. It may be difficult at first, but over time the rewards will be great.

Written By:  Jami Dellifield, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Hardin County

Reviewed By:  Jenny Lobb, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Franklin County

Sources:

Angel SL. The emotion identification group. Am J Occup Ther. 1981 Apr;35(4):256-62. doi: 10.5014/ajot.35.4.256. PMID: 7223832.

Person. (2020, September 30). Emotion wheel: How to use it for emotional literacy. Healthline. Retrieved December 15, 2021, from https://www.healthline.com/health/emotion-wheel

Posted June 27, 2019 by U. W. A. | P. and C. N. (2020, June 22). The science of emotion: Exploring the basics of emotional psychology. UWA Online. Retrieved December 3, 2021, from https://online.uwa.edu/news/emotional-psychology/.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Anxiety disorders. National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved December 3, 2021, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders.

Reebye P. (2003). Identity and Emotion: Development Through Self-Organization. The Canadian child and adolescent psychiatry review, 12(4), 123.

What are basic emotions? | psychology Today. (n.d.). Retrieved December 15, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201601/what-are-basic-emotions

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Making Emotional Deposits Count

Posted in Healthy Relationships, tagged , , , , on February 25, 2021| 1 Comment »

piggy bank

We can think of our relationship with our children as a bank account.  Just like a real bank account, we can make deposits and withdraws each day. We make “deposits” when we feed our relationship with love, hugs and kisses.  Spending time with your children, listening to them and showing encouragement all increase your balance. Unfortunately, as adults we also sometimes make “withdraws” out of our relationship account. This happens when we criticize, ignore, yell or break promises. As adults we need to make sure that our relationship accounts always have more deposits than withdraws.  Making more “deposits” serves as a proactive effort to ensure that the good times outweigh the bad.  A relationship with plenty of “deposits” also assists in building resiliency in kids.  Resiliency is the ability to handle stress and serves as an insulation to the inability to bounce back after adversity.

PAX Tools Manager Kathryn Tummino discusses Emotional Deposits in a short video that can be viewed here:  Emotional Deposits Pax Tools

“Researchers remind us that we need five positive interactions to every negative interaction to keep any relationship healthy. And since we spend so much time guiding — a.k.a. correcting, reminding, scolding, criticizing, nagging, and yelling — it’s important to make sure we spend five times as much time in positive connection.”


Dr. Laura Markham Ph.D., offers 10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship
1. Aim for 12 hugs (or physical connections) every day
2. Play
3. Turn off technology when you interact with your child
4. Connect before transitions
5. Make time for one on one time
6. Welcome emotion
7. Listen, and Empathize
8. Slow down and savor the moment
9. Bedtime snuggle and chat
10. Show up

Sources
Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/

Markham, Laura. “10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 27 June 2017, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201706/10-habits-strengthen-parent-child-relationship.

PAX Tools. PAXIS Institute 2020, http://www.paxis.org/pax-tools.

PAX Tools – Emotional Deposits, 18 May 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=I80VhmAT2fU&t=138s

Written by Heather Reister, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Butler County

Reviewed by Jenny Lobb, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Franklin County

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Live Well with Alzheimer’s Disease

Posted in Healthy People, Healthy Relationships, tagged , , , , , , , on August 6, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia. It is not part of the normal aging process. Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive disease that begins with mild memory loss and can later affect one’s ability to carry out activities of daily living.  On a personal note, my Mom – an Alzheimer’s patient – no longer recalls who I am and struggles with most daily activities.   Alzheimer’s caught up with us in November 2011.  After she received her diagnosis, we developed an action plan to direct her care with a goal for her to live well with Alzheimer’s.  

When seeking to take control of your health and wellness after an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, it may be helpful to focus your energy on the aspects of your life that are most meaningful.  Recognize that there will be good days and bad days, and an emphasis on living a healthier life will help prepare you to center your energies on what is most important to you.  Start today by:

  • Managing your physical health
    • Get regular checkups
    • Establish a relationship with a physician you trust
    • Get plenty or rest
  • Taking charge of your emotional health
    • Allow yourself to experience a range of emotions
    • Consider meeting with a trusted friend
    • Maintain close relationships with loved ones
    • If experiencing rapid mood changes or a short temper, be mindful of negative responses and understand your reaction is caused by the disease
    • If today is not going well, do not force it.  Stop. Do something you enjoy.
  • Increasing mental stimulation
    • Take a class
    • Try a new hobby
  • Educating yourself about the disease    
    • Plan for the future

Examine the influences that impact your experience living with Alzheimer’s.  Choosing to live a healthy life by maintaining your physical, social, and emotional well-being will help improve your daily life.

Written by: Beth Stefura, OSU Extension Educator, Mahoning County. stefura.2@osu.edu

Reviewed by:  Jenny Lobb, OSU Extension Educator, Franklin County.  lobb.3@osu.edu

References:

https://www.cdc.gov/aging/aginginfo/alzheimers.htm

https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-alzheimers

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What Does Wellness Look Like?

Posted in Healthy People, tagged , , , , on June 27, 2019| 1 Comment »

Last month I returned to work after the birth of my son. Since then, many people have commented – often with a hint of jealousy in their tone – on how quickly I “bounced back” after having a baby. The message they mean to convey with these words is that I was successful in returning to my pre-pregnancy weight. I do count this achievement as a success, as I was very intentional about staying active throughout my pregnancy to help with my labor, delivery and postpartum recovery. Physically, one might look at me and think that I am well, and in some respects that is true. I eat fairly healthfully and am maintaining a healthy weight. But, as my colleague Amanda explained in her recent blog What Does Wellness Mean to You?, there is much more to wellness than what meets the eye.

In her blog, Amanda introduced the nine dimensions of wellness and the wellness wheel (shown below) promoted by The Ohio State University Office of Student Life. She encouraged readers to reflect on where they stand within each dimension of wellness, perhaps by using the self-assessment questions suggested by the University of Lincoln-Nebraska.

wellness wheel

When I reflect on my own wellness at this point in my life, eating healthfully is a high point. However, within the physical dimension of wellness, I actually fall short in other regards. My activity levels now are much lower than they were prior to and even during my pregnancy. Additionally, I am not sleeping well; not because I lack opportunities to sleep, but because I struggle to quiet my mind enough to achieve a true state of rest. These struggles both contribute to and stem from a lack of emotional wellbeing. I recognize that at this point in my life, I have yet to establish effective ways to cope with stress, and that needs to be my priority right now. I used to exercise daily as a means to cope with stress and decompress after my work day. Now, there are new demands on my time that make this difficult to do. Consequently, I have trouble quieting my mind at the end of the day. This can easily turn into a vicious cycle, as sleep deprivation can contribute to further stress as well as reduced wellbeing in the social, intellectual, creative and career dimensions.

If you haven’t done so recently, take a few moments this week to evaluate where you stand within each dimension of wellness. What are your strengths, and where do you have room to improve? Perhaps a clear priority will emerge, as was the case for me. You can use your priority area to find small and simple things you might do to become more well in that area.

Wherever you stand, remember that we all have strengths and weakness. Be kind to yourself and others, and don’t be too quick to judge a book by its cover.

 

Written by: Jenny Lobb, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Franklin County, lobb.3@osu.edu

Reviewed by: Amanda Bohlen, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Washington County, bohlen.19@osu.edu

 

Sources:

Bohlen, A. (2019). What Does Wellness Mean to You?  Live Healthy, Live Well. https://livehealthyosu.com/2019/04/04/what-does-wellness-me-to-you/

Harmon, M. (2017). How Well are You? Live Healthy, Live Well. https://livehealthyosu.com/2017/08/18/how-well-are-you/

The Ohio State University, Student Wellness Center (2019). Nine Dimensions of Wellness. https://swc.osu.edu/about-us/nine-dimensions-of-wellness/

University of Lincoln Nebraska, Student Affairs (2019). 9 Dimensions of Wellbeing. https://resilience.unl.edu/9-dimensions-well-being

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commUNITY

Posted in Healthy People, Healthy Relationships, tagged , on March 25, 2019| Leave a Comment »

One of the biggest joys of being an Extension Educator is hearing the stories of others and sharing the highs and lows of daily life. I love living in the community, and have come to realize that if I want it to be a better place, it begins with conversations with others.

Every day, each one of us lives in joy, in sorrow, in anger, in sadness, in the known and in the unknown. And yet, we don’t always share with another the truth of how we are feeling. When asked, “How are you?” A standard response is “Good”. When in reality, we are happy, excited, frustrated, sad, exhausted, silly, or many other emotions. It is so important that we begin to share our emotions with one another, that we share one another’s joys and sorrows.

When talking with a group of young adults about finding balance and setting boundaries in relationships, one of them asked me, “How do you do that without hurting someone else?”

While helping dairy farmers learn more about sharing one another’s joys and burdens with family and friends, one of them asked me, “How do you start that when it’s not what I was taught?”

During a class for parents going through a divorce, one of them asked me, “How do you help your child when they are isolating themselves?”

Each of these questions, asked with honesty and openness, led to a shared discussion for everyone present. The beauty in those moments was the community that was built for each person present.

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) shares that “emotional wellness is the ability to successfully handle life’s stresses and adapt to change and difficult times.” For optimal emotional well-being they suggest 6 strategies for improving your emotional health:

  • Find the positive
  • Reduce Stress
  • Get a good night’s sleep
  • Allow yourself to grieveteam-386673_1920
  • Spend more time with others
  • Practice mindfulness

The NIH also reminds us that “positive social habits can help you build support systems and stay healthier mentally and physically.” Through our relationships with others, we learn how the world around us works. Being in relationship with others is an important part of our well-being. What are the ways that you are involved with others each day? Some places you might be involved within your community are: service groups, exercise, social groups, family, athletics, work, school events, the grocery, driving from here to there, and many more.

Building a community is the responsibility of each of us. Be vulnerable. Try something new. Reach out to someone you have not talked to recently. Through our sharing of our life experiences, each of us will learn that we are not alone and we are loved. Take time today to reach out to the community you currently have created and don’t be afraid to look for community wherever you are.

Written by:  Jami Dellifield, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Hardin County

Reviewed by: Lisa Barlage, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Ross County

Sources:

US Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health, Emotional Wellness Toolkit, https://www.nih.gov/health-information/emotional-wellness-toolkit

US Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health, Social Wellness Toolkit, https://www.nih.gov/health-information/social-wellness-toolkit

Queensland Government,Social and Emotional Wellness,  https://workplaces.healthier.qld.gov.au/public-resources/health-topics-ideas-for-action/social-and-emotional-wellness/

Photo: https://pixabay.com/photos/team-motivation-teamwork-together-386673/

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Managing the Holiday Blues

Posted in Healthy People, Healthy Relationships, tagged , , on December 22, 2011| 2 Comments »

For most people, this time of year is filled with happiness and good cheer.  However, many individuals dread the coming of the holiday season and the sadness that it brings.   What causes the holiday blues and what can we do to help alleviate the sadness that overcomes us?

  • High Expectations  Don’t worry about having a perfect party or family get-together.  Instead try to maintain realistic expectations and have a good time.
  • Overdoing it  Trying to attend every party and get-together will only make you tired and feeling worn-out.  Try to stick to your usual routine, including meals, exercise and sleeping habits.  Try to avoid drinking too much alcohol, which can depress moods.
  • Spending too Much We all want to please others and buy that perfect gift, but paying the bill in January can be stressful.  Make a budget for gifts and stick to it!
  • Unpleasant Holiday Memories  Try not to think of holidays that were sad and lonely.  Create pleasant memories by starting a new tradition.
  • Being Single, Alone or Divorced  Call a friend and make plans to get together over the holidays.  Invite them to lunch, an uplifting holiday movie, or a walk around town to view the holiday decorations.
  • Emphasis on Shopping and Commercialization  Consider giving a donation to a charity in lieu of a gift that the recipient won’t use.

If you find yourself feeling down any time of year, make a list of the good things you have in your life.  Another way to feel better about yourself is to volunteer your time to help someone less fortunate than you.

Finally, we all feel down sometimes but  if the “blues” last longer than a few weeks, don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor or seek professional help.

Submitted by:  Jennifer Even, Extension Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Hamilton County.  Source:  Judith S. Beck, PhD, Huffington Post, Avoid the Holiday Blues.

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