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Posts Tagged ‘empty nest’

A New Season

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , on October 21, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Country road in fall

This time of year is always difficult for me. Unlike those of you who LOVE fall, I do not. Yes, you read that right, I do not like fall, not at all. For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why I don’t share the same love of Fall like so many. It turns out, I have the milder version of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) known as the Winter Blues. You might be thinking, but it’s not winter. Well, SAD or seasonal blues can occur anytime of the year. Symptoms are typically the opposite for people who have Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder, otherwise, they start and end around the same time each year.

I knew this year would be especially challenging. I just sent my youngest child off to college in August and my older son who moved into an apartment in late spring. So, my husband and I are technically empty nesters. While he is excited, I don’t share his enthusiasm. I enjoyed having my kids at home and I still LOVE it when my sons stop by if just to do laundry or stay over. My daughter was home this past weekend for fall break and my younger son came home for a visit. It was nice to see and hug them, to hear what’s going on in their lives, and to hang out. While I don’t miss the extra dirty dishes, I do miss them.

Each new season brings change. While this season is especially difficult for me, I try to be proactive to help minimize the negative impacts. Some things that help me include EXERCISE, eating healthy, adequate sleep, connecting with loved ones, getting as much natural light as possible, and realizing that this too shall pass. I know about when my symptoms start and about when they end. This predictability of symptoms is actually what helped me realize that I experience the “winter blues,” just in the fall.

Group of young adults

The new season of being an empty nester has brought its share of change. While I miss my kids immensely, I know I raised healthy, well-adjusted, productive adults. There are times when I feel they don’t need me, then I get a phone call asking me about something, so they still need me, just in different ways. My daughter has had a cough for a couple of weeks (negative COVID), and she called asking me to drive 2.5 hours to go to the doctor with her! She has never been to the doctor without me, and she is scared. I had to keep myself from laughing. She’s very independent and hasn’t asked for my help navigating college and all that comes with it, yet she wants me to accompany her to the doctor! I asked her why she was scared She said she doesn’t want to fill out the paperwork. I told her she can call me if she has any questions. She was not thrilled that I would not come up, but she was more at ease knowing she can call me if needed.

This new season will continue to be an adjustment as we all figure out how to support each other in new or different ways. I am excited about what the future holds for my kids and for my husband and me. My young adult children are building their own lives and figuring out what they want to do in the next few years. My husband and I will be building our retirement home in the next several months and we are rehabbing a vintage camper to travel now and when we retire. All in all, this new season is filled with countless possibilities for us all!

Written by: Misty Harmon, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, OSU Extension Perry County, harmon.416@osu.edu

Reviewed by: Ken Stewart, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, OSU Extension Monroe County, stewart.1982@osu.edu

Sources:

Carter, S. (2017, September 21). It’s fall, it’s fall… I love it all! Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved October 18, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2017/09/25/its-fall-its-fall-i-love-it-all/

Harmon, M. (2019, October 21). Fall: A sad time of year. Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved October 18, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2019/10/21/fall-a-sad-time-of-year/

Harmon, M. (2021, October 15). It’s Fall Y’all and the struggle is real. Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved October 18, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2021/09/28/its-fall-yall-and-the-struggle-is-real/

Harmon, M. (2022, July 28). Empty nest-now what? Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved October 18, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2022/07/28/empty-nest-now-what/

Nelson, H. (2007, October 32). Advice for parents and guardians of college students: 6 pieces of first-year wisdom. Advice for Parents of College Students: 6 Pieces of First-Year Wisdom – Azusa Pacific University. Retrieved October 21, 2022, from https://www.apu.edu/articles/advice-for-parents-of-college-students-6-pieces-of-first-year-wisdom/

Scammahorn, R. (2021, September 8). Don’t delay, start saving today! Live Smart Ohio. Retrieved October 21, 2022, from https://livesmartohio.osu.edu/money/scammahorn-5osu-edu/dont-delay-start-saving-today/

Stewart, K. (2022, March 2). Getting financial aid without getting scammed. Live Smart Ohio. Retrieved October 21, 2022, from https://livesmartohio.osu.edu/money/stewart-1982osu-edu/getting-financial-aid-without-getting-scammed/

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Empty Nest—Now What?

Posted in Healthy Relationships, tagged , , , , on July 28, 2022| 1 Comment »

Ohio State University Campus

A couple months ago I wrote a blog about teaching our children to fly (from the nest). In three weeks, I will be moving my youngest child in to her college dorm. After surviving her senior year, I must now prepare for her departure and for the empty nest that will result.

As a parent, my life has not revolved solely around my children. I have tried to participate in things I enjoy for myself. I realize that to be the best parent I can be, I need to have things that bring me joy that are not dependent on my children. I want my kids to see that adults can have fun and do things that make them happy and still be good parents.

As my daughter prepares for this exciting new time, I am filled with mixed emotions. I am happy she’s doing well and that she wants to take care preparing herself for campus living. I try to avoid thinking about her leaving because I don’t want to dampen her excitement. I know I will likely experience some empty nest syndrome, though I don’t think it will be too severe.

The signs of empty nest syndrome include:

  • Feeling sad, anxious, and stressed about an empty house.
  • Unable to sleep or eat well due to being distracted by your thoughts.
  • Reverting to memories you shared with your kids when they were still living at home.
  • Reminiscing about their childhood and going through things they left behind.
  • Feeling useless or worthless since you no longer need to take care for your children.
  • Languishing—having less energy and motivation to do things you used to or want to do.
smiling couple

Empty nest syndrome can last for years, though most parents adjust to the new situation in about 2 months. Some parents look forward to the freedom from parenting daily, while others dread the thought of not having the kids around. Some, like me, have mixed feelings of excitement and sadness that my role as a parent of a child has ended. Regardless how parents feel, there are things they can do to help reduce empty nest syndrome:

  • Talk to your partner and your child about your feelings.
  • Reconnect with your partner or other significant people.
  • Respect your child’s new independence.
  • Focus on the future and the upsides of an empty nest, not the past.
  • Stay active and consider exercising regularly.
  • Stay disciplined with money.
  • Invest in yourself by doing things you enjoy and practicing self-care.
  • Don’t feel guilty for having fun and enjoying this new chapter.
  • Join a support group for empty nesters.
  • Seek professional help if feelings of sadness, anxiety, or depression persist.

As you navigate this new chapter, give yourself and your young adult some grace. Focus on getting to know your adult child, relish all you both have accomplished and look forward to all that is to come. Since the only constant in life is change, it is best to embrace it.

Author: Misty Harmon, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Perry County, harmon.416@osu.edu

Reviewer: Shannon Carter, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Fairfield County, carter.413@osu.edu

Sources:

Battles, D. M. (2020, November 26). How to cope with empty nest syndrome and be happy again. Lifehack. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://www.lifehack.org/809725/empty-nest-syndrome

Carter, S. (2021, June 14). From languishing to flourishing. Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2021/06/17/from-languishing-to-flourishing/

Carter, S. (2022, July 8). College send-off: Are you ready? Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2022/07/11/college-send-off-are-you-ready/

Educomics. (2021, November 15). Effective ways to combat empty nest syndrome. Educomics.org. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://www.educomics.org/watching-your-children-grow-up/

Harmon, M. (2021, December 14). The only constant is change. Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2021/12/14/the-only-constant-is-change/  

Harmon, M. (2022, May 24). They have wings, just teach them how to fly. Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2022/05/24/they-have-wings-just-teach-them-how-to-fly/

Rupp, M. (2022, April 6). Spring clean your finances! Live Healthy Live Well. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://livehealthyosu.com/2022/03/14/spring-clean-your-finances/State of nevada employee handbook. (n.d.). Retrieved July 28, 2022, from https://hr.nv.gov/uploadedFiles/hrnvgov/Content/Resources/Publications/Employee_Handbook.pdf

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They Have Wings, Just Teach Them How to Fly

Posted in Healthy People, Healthy Relationships, tagged , , , , on May 24, 2022| 1 Comment »

My daughter at graduation

Sunday marked a milestone as my youngest child graduated high school. While I knew this day would be filled with mixed emotions, I also knew I had done my best to prepare my daughter, and previously her two older brothers, for this new chapter. High school graduation marks a significant achievement, not only for the graduate, but also for those who have helped them to this point. When I became a parent nearly 25 years ago, I realized my responsibility was to help ensure my children had received the skills and guidance necessary to fly from my nest when the time came. I can proudly say that both my sons have done fairly well and I have no doubt my daughter will as well.

I have been fortunate to have children who did not struggle much, if at all, with school. In fact, my daughter was the valedictorian of her class and my older son graduated from college a few years ago with Summa Cum Laude distinction. My younger son has to work a little more in school. He is more hands on and mechanically inclined, so I don’t worry too much about him. He will be able to use these skills since he is pursuing an engineering degree. College certainly isn’t for everyone, there are other options for higher education besides a traditonal 4-year institution. There are lots of things to consider when determining what option is right for someone and just because someone may choose not to pursue higher education immediately out of high school, does not mean they cannot at a later time.

My daughter and two sons at her graduation

In order for children to grow in their confidence and competence, they must be given opportunities to use their current skills and knowledge, as well as to learn new ones. Stepping aside and allowing your children to make mistakes takes a lot of reserve and discipline. As parents, we want nothing more than for our children to succeed and to do so with minimal hardships. While this is a lofty notion, it is virtually impossible for children to develop many of the necessary skills and abilities to navigate the real world without stumbling along the way. Of course I am talking about small everyday stumbles, like being late to school due to oversleeping. Our children still need us for those bigger things. Letting them experience the consequences of their actions or decisions for those everyday things can teach them valuable “life” lessons and perhaps help them to avoid more serious issues later.

Here are a few tips from Dr. Bhargava to prepare your teens for the next step:

  1. Change your focus.
  2. Avoid quick fixes.
  3. Give your child the freedom to fail.
  4. Promote independence.
  5. Make college  or training decisions together.
  6. Ask about mental health support on campus or at their job.

As my daughter prepares to head off to college in August, like her brothers before her, I will continue to support her and encourage her as she makes those final decisions over the summer. I will make sure she knows that while she may be flying from the nest, no matter where in life her wings take her, I will always be here for her.

Author: Misty Harmon, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Perry County, harmon.416@osu.edu

Reviewer: Lisa Barlage, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Ross County, barlage.7@osu.edu

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