We can think of our relationship with our children as a bank account. Just like a real bank account, we can make deposits and withdraws each day. We make “deposits” when we feed our relationship with love, hugs and kisses. Spending time with your children, listening to them and showing encouragement all increase your balance. Unfortunately, as adults we also sometimes make “withdraws” out of our relationship account. This happens when we criticize, ignore, yell or break promises. As adults we need to make sure that our relationship accounts always have more deposits than withdraws. Making more “deposits” serves as a proactive effort to ensure that the good times outweigh the bad. A relationship with plenty of “deposits” also assists in building resiliency in kids. Resiliency is the ability to handle stress and serves as an insulation to the inability to bounce back after adversity.
PAX Tools Manager Kathryn Tummino discusses Emotional Deposits in a short video that can be viewed here: Emotional Deposits Pax Tools
“Researchers remind us that we need five positive interactions to every negative interaction to keep any relationship healthy. And since we spend so much time guiding — a.k.a. correcting, reminding, scolding, criticizing, nagging, and yelling — it’s important to make sure we spend five times as much time in positive connection.”
Dr. Laura Markham Ph.D., offers 10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship
1. Aim for 12 hugs (or physical connections) every day
2. Play
3. Turn off technology when you interact with your child
4. Connect before transitions
5. Make time for one on one time
6. Welcome emotion
7. Listen, and Empathize
8. Slow down and savor the moment
9. Bedtime snuggle and chat
10. Show up
Sources
Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/
Markham, Laura. “10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 27 June 2017, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201706/10-habits-strengthen-parent-child-relationship.
PAX Tools. PAXIS Institute 2020, http://www.paxis.org/pax-tools.
PAX Tools – Emotional Deposits, 18 May 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=I80VhmAT2fU&t=138s
Written by Heather Reister, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Butler County
Reviewed by Jenny Lobb, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Franklin County
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