Live Healthy Live Well

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” This quote from Ann Landers really outlines the basic purpose of parenting. The purpose of

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parenting is the same today as it has been for many years: to protect our children and prepare them to survive in society.  In order to survive in society, children have to learn to be independent.  Parenting involves gradually teaching a child independence according to their age. Children develop in stages, so appropriate behavior at one age may not be appropriate at another. Giving children the opportunities to learn, grow and be independent can be very scary for parents. At an early age, we watch our toddler learn to walk. We have to watch their many failed attempts before they learn to master the skill of walking. As hard as it is for parents to watch their children fall, we also know that it is necessary for them to grow, and this is true throughout the many stages and challenges of their childhood.

Equipping children with some basic skills will help them continue on their path to independence. In Active Parenting: A Guide to Raising Happy and Successful Children, author Micheal H. Popkin argues that active parents help children learn survival skills and independence. The four skills that Popkin identifies are:

• Courage, or trying new things without fear of failure. Courage is the building block of self-esteem.
• Self-esteem, or how people feel about themselves. People with high self-esteem feel capable and able to succeed.
• Responsibility, or the ability to accept consequences for decisions and actions. Children who learn responsibility have courage to stick with their decisions.
• Cooperation, or working as a team member. Children are true members of the family and are entitled to express their feelings, respectfully, to their parents.

Parents are the foundation that help children learn to have courage, be responsible and cooperative, and feel good about themselves. Putting it simply, the job of parenting is to work yourself out of a job.

Written by: Kathy Goins, Family & Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University, Clark County, goins.115@osu.edu

Reviewed by: Shannon Carter, Family & Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension.